Never. Stop. Writing.
Why I am still unravelling issues from 25 years ago and how you can ensure this never happens to you.
25 years ago I had an “annus horribilis”, to quote the late Queen Elizabeth II. I had twelve months of huge, and I mean HUGE, life changing issues and events that knocked me for six.
I had just started teaching and bought my own house. I was living alone and every spare minute I was either planning, marking or out with friends and family distracting myself. From that point until after my daughter was born, around 4 years later, life was busy, emotionally charged and most importantly I didn’t make time to write.
I have always written.
When I was a teenager I wrote to various pen friends and that continued until I was in my early twenties. I kept diaries and wrote poems for a while. I did essays while I was at University and then I was writing lesson plans and making worksheets but I didn’t do any meaningful writing for a few years.
With hindsight, I was probably scared to document some of the overwhelming emotions I was experiencing. Worried that if I opened the floodgates I would never be able to shut them again.
I really wish I could go back to that younger self and tell her to pick up a pen, buy a beautiful notebook and just write.
I wish I could tell her that everything was going to work out better than she could possibly imagine, but that she needed to work through a few things now to make that future easier.
Sadly, we can’t turn back time - or if we can I haven’t been told how! But I have realised the last few weeks that there are some pretty big issues coming up for me at the moment and most of them have their roots in that particular 5 year period. That writing-less time.
Of course I am writing about it now. I have written around 15 pages in my journal in the last 24 hrs alone, but it is so much harder to work through these complex and challenging emotions, when the cause is so far away and has been buried for so long. It feels like digging up the corpse after 25 years and expecting to recognise the person who once resided in it. (I don’t particularly like that analogy, but it came into my head and it works, so I apologise for the slightly gruesome nature of it!).
The emotions feel confused and as though there is some fleshing out needed to really understand them properly. Sadly that flesh has been lost to time and I can’t seem to bring it back, not accurately, no matter how hard I try.
I find it fascinating that I didn’t write more at this time. Perhaps the odd letter to a loved on or email to a friend but nothing that would have allowed the pure and unfiltered outpouring of words that these times require. So instead I am trying to work through it all now. Trying to piece together these complex emotions I am experiencing and make some sense out of them. Some are obvious, so much less so. But I am taking the time now to work them out, before they work me out!
I am making a promise to myself and my future self, to never stop writing again. To always make writing these challenges out a priority. I have been really good over the last few years, but I don’t EVER want to have to unravel such complex emotions, so many years on, again. I will commit to writing at least every couple of days, no matter how busy life gets and how challenging sitting down to journal might feel in that moment. It is for my own wellbeing and I will not allow it to be sidelined or compromised again.
Do you have a regular writing habit? How often do you allow yourself to write freely without any agenda? To allow all your thoughts and feelings and challenges to come flowing out onto the page without any filter or self consciousness. If you don’t already allow yourself this time, I encourage you to give it a go. The benefits are proven and if you don’t know where to start, or you know that there are some big issues that might be challenging to work through alone, find a journaling group or writing therapist to support you through this process.
Kate Beddow is a writing coach and wellbeing specialist who has a strong foundation in mindfulness, energy healing, meditation, and journal therapy. As a former teacher, Kate has always found joy in sharing her wisdom, which has led her to explore various roles. However, her deep-seated love for words and writing has remained constant. In recent years, she has been able to manifest her dream by merging her passions as a writing coach and journal therapist, creating a truly fulfilling and harmonious path. Find out more at katebeddow.com.
Beautifully stated! Simply showing up and making the space for free writing on a regular basis is key. It is indeed so important! Thank you for the reminder, I just took a long breath in and out upon reading this, which for me is a sign of release. Ahhhhhh.