Ritual guilt

Why we need to stop listening to the "should"s and start listening to ourselves.

Mar 03, 2026

For as long as I can remember there have been people preaching that: to be really successful you have to get up at 4:30am, to start the day right you have to run 5k and not eat until lunchtime… You know the kind of thing.

For a long time I beat myself up for not being able to fit in with their secrets to success.

I did go get up at 4:30am for six months, because my then 3 year old son decided that that was when he was going to wake up. We would be super productive (as quietly as we could) until everyone else woke up. One morning I remember we bottomed the kitchen before the school run. The problem was, we were ready for lunch by the time everyone else was getting up and ready for bed by lunchtime!

I even tried running for a while but unfortunately my joints screamed at me and I was told to stop by my doctor. Of course I was, I have a condition that has seriously impacted my joints. What was I thinking?

What’s the problem?

Where do I start? Let’s begin by saying that everyone is different. Some people are morning people, others thrive at night or in the evening. Telling everyone to get up early is ridiculous.

We also all have different physical abilities. It drives me crazy when articles appear in the press about the fact that you should drink a glass of red wine a day to protect your heart, or how chocolate improves your mood. You know the kind of thing. That might be true for some people, but as someone who is dairy intolerant and also can’t tolerate alcohol even in tiny quantities (literally I can’t even take rescue remedy!), this isn’t helpful advice. There is no one rule fits all when it comes to our bodies.

We are all different

We should be celebrating our unique, precious selves not trying to replicate someone else.

If you feel a deep pull to get up early, then do that. If you know that your body needs rest as well as time to meditate or journal, then sleep longer and find another time to accommodate your rituals.

I use the time I used to be on the school run. I only have one child at home now and he walks to college. When he leaves the house, I have my breakfast, by which time my husband has usually also gone to work. Once I have had breakfast and my morning drink, I will either sit and read, or journal. I sometimes meditate but I have to be careful not to meditate too often as the condition I have (acromegaly) causes me to produce too much growth hormone, and as one of the benefits of meditation is producing more growth hormone, that isn’t great for me - another example of generalised advice not working for everyone.

I have the same issue with cold water swimming. Long before it became really popular some of my friends were sea swimming, I had a deep and intense push back. All my friends were raving about the benefits and how amazing they felt afterwards. I did some research and guess what? It increases production of growth hormone.

You do you

As a journal therapist I know the benefits of writing regularly. Do I journal everyday - no! I journal most days, and always when something is bothering me or when I need to work something out. Do I beat myself up about not journalling every day. Also no, I write something every day, but what is the point in discovering these amazing tools if you then use them to beat yourself?

A ritual should work for you. It should accommodate your other commitments, suit your lifestyle, personal beliefs, your budget and your energy levels. You might create a ritual that is as simple as sitting quietly before everyone else gets up with a cuppa. On the other hand you may enjoy a complex ritual which includes, yoga, matcha, journalling and mediation.

There is no right or wrong, there is only you.

The importance of rituals

Having some sort of ritual can be really important as it ensures we include things that we love, that support us, or that we benefit from, every day. We can create routines around the jobs we need to get done, perhaps in the morning: emptying the dishwasher, making the packed lunches, getting breakfast ready etc. These routines are a means of making sure things get done. That is not the same as a ritual.

A ritual creates an experience around the things we do. it is about magic and feelings not just box ticking.

You may create a ritual around your morning cuppa.

You might light a candle and journal for 20 minutes every day.

Perhaps you create a special playlist to help you escape and go for a run.

It has to be more special than just getting jobs done.

What rituals do you enjoy?

Have you created your own ritual or borrowed someone else’s?

How can you elevate your daily rituals to make them even more personal and special to you?

I would love to hear about our rituals, if you are comfortable sharing them, please do.