Hello, I’m Kate, a writing coach, author and mum based in the midlands. My subscribers receive weekly writing tips, wellbeing reminders and general life ramblings from a menopausal business owner. Members get all that, plus access to exclusive members only posts and special seasonal content and juicy personal insights.
I’d love you to join me in my little ink stained corner of Substack…
I have been navel gazing recently - literally and figuratively. You see two weeks ago I had my gall bladder removed and today is the first time I have switched my laptop on since. I have basically spent the last two weeks in bed, which gives you a lot of time to think.
I also got an infection in my laparoscopy wound, so have literally spent a week checking my tummy button every few minutes to make sure it isn’t oozing!
But back to the point of this article.
Lying in bed for days on end gives you lots of time to think. To say I have learned a lot about myself would be an understatement. In the last two weeks I have learned:
I am a terrible patient. I am so used to being the carer and being cared for is almost unbearable.
I miss reading and writing more than anything else when my head is too woolly to concentrate for long periods of time.
Although I am an introvert, my mood very quickly dips when I am isolated for long periods of time.
When it comes to my health I very quickly panic.
Our NHS is INCREDIBLE. Every single person I have had contact with over the last few weeks has been warm, friendly and genuinely compassionate.
Being surrounded by flowers makes me happy.
Journalling, even when I am not able to sit in a position to write even slightly legibly, shifts things massively.
When I am in crisis I don’t always remember all the tools I have to help myself.
I have the best friends and family in the world, particularly my husband and son, who have been absolutely amazing.
Love isn’t big gestures, it is the small but significant actions consistently, even when you are exhausted yourself.
Some of these I already knew but they have been massively reinforced over the last two weeks.
My husband and son have been angels. My husband has prepared the most beautiful, healthy meals with so much love it has brought me to tears. My son, who can just about cook pasta and eggs made a spaghetti bolognese for the first time so that his Dad didn’t have to cook when he came in from work.
My issues around being cared for I have realised go really deep though. Right back to my early childhood. When I was only two years old there was a medical emergency in our home, and I couldn’t do anything to help. From that point onwards, I now realise, I have had to look after everyone. I do everything I possibly can to make sure everyone is happy and healthy. I am the person who puts everything on hold to be there if someone is in need. I have spent almost half a decade being that person. Only once have I really had to be cared for myself for this long, when I had my brain tumour removed. It was easier then though because, due to circumstances, I had my recovery with my parents. My brain will accept being looked after by them, that was the norm for so many years, that feels ok.
This last couple of weeks has been hard though.
My challenge isn’t over yet either. The infection is gone, and the wounds are healing well, but I still can’t lift anything heavy, use the vacuum, change beds etc for a few weeks. It’s tough, but I know it is the way it has to be.
Taking time to really work through these issues has been so helpful. It has helped me understand myself so much better - and I thought I knew myself pretty well already.
As a lifelong learner and former teacher, I believe that as writers we need to do this deep work regularly too. When we write our energy is felt through the words we write. If we are writing from a place of desperation, or we are wounded and haven’t taken the time to heal ourselves, that energy is transmuted to the reader.
This is even more important for life writing. If you are writing a memoir and you haven’t done the inner work on the situations and challenges you are writing about then that hurt, pain and even bitterness is clear and makes for an uncomfortable read.
Of course we also need to keep working in our writing challenges too. Whether it is reading more books in the genre you write to improve your skills, taking courses, workshops, or spending time learning from other writers through blogs, talks etc, keeping doing the work and constantly improving is so important.
What lessons have you learned recently? Let me know. Are you a lifelong learner?
(Apologies if this article is a little all over the place, my brain is still recovering from the anaesthesia but I wanted to write about my experiences while it was still fresh in my mind.)
Kate Beddow is a writer, writing coach and wellbeing specialist who uses a unique blend of expertise in journal therapy, mindfulness, meditation and energy healing. A former teacher with a gift for sharing wisdom, Kate has devoted her career to empowering writers to achieve their creative goals.
Guided by her lifelong love of words and storytelling, Kate offers a compassionate and holistic approach to coaching, helping writers find clarity, confidence, and inspiration. She also co-founded Booksmith Academy with her sister, Jen, to provide tailored support for non-fiction writers. Whether you’re seeking clarity, confidence, or creative inspiration, Kate’s compassionate and holistic approach makes her the perfect partner for your writing journey.
Such wonderful, strong realisations. I'm glad you are on the mend...onwards and upwards.🙏